I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
