i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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