Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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