I'm lost and stupid without you.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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