these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
