I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
