I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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