I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
