sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I looked at my own cervix.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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