I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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