I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
