69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
