That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
