Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
