so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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