they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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