I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
