There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
