I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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