she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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