this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
