I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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