i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
