My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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