Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
