You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
