I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
