what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
