I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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