Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
