no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
