Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
