I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
