Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
