How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
