no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
