if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
