Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Four minutes until I can fart!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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