It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
