I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
