I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So vagazzling was a success
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
