I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
