And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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