We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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