3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
