i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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