apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I cut my penus on the lid.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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