i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
