Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
