its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
